moving on

i kind of hate moving onto a new sketchbook, but only because i feel as if i'm leaving ideas behind. so for a while i tend to carry around two so i can look back and continue working on ideas from the older one.

this is the first page of my book with a quote from Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet. those words sum up exactly how i like to work, and i like the reminder.

sometimes i'm messy and sometimes i'm neat. it depends on how desperately i need to get an idea out, or how long i'm fixating on it. 

i used to worry about neatness when i was in high school but i don't anymore. my sketchbook is about working out ideas and making progress. it shows how i think. it lets me know what concepts i really want to work with.

painting with enamel

i hope everyone in Canada had a great holiday long weekend! i spent mine the best way you can - with friends and family.

recently i decided to experiment with enamel painting. i tend to rely on using a sifter when applying the enamel powder - it's easier, but it's also limiting in how precise i can be with colour changes.

so instead of applying the enamel dry, i have it mixed with water in a painter's palette for the different colours i'm using. then i apply it to the piece as evenly as possible with a paintbrush. this may seem easy, but it takes FOREVER. the first one i did took a ridiculous amount of time, but the second one worked much more smoothly and quickly. 

every spare grain of enamel that moves away from where you want it to will show up once its fired, so there's a lot of touch ups that need to be done. i had a stiff neck the next day from looking down and concentrating for so long.

 

at the same time, i found the process kind of soothing. though i can only do this kind of thing if i have a long day devoted to them. i'm planning on bringing my kiln home soon so i can do this kind of thing more regularly and paint the enamel at my desk with movies playing in the background or something.

these forms are a blend of a couple of ideas and imagery i've been working on in my sketchbook. so of course they have undertones of containment and growth. i also plan to work on some 3D forms similar to these soon. 

fear of empty spaces

just showing you all some new lichen pins i was working on recently based on some hand doodles done in my sketchbook.

right now i'm very interested in the idea of space - particularly negative space and empty space. these may seem like the same thing, but they're not to me.

i learned some new terms today: horror vacui, which is Latin for fear of empty spaces, and cenophobia which is fear of the empty - who would've thought there were terms for that? but they're interesting concepts, ones that i definitely want to delve deeper into.

worth fighting for

"what's the point of your existence?"

"to feel...

you've never done it, so you can never know it. 

but it's as vital as breath. 

and without it - without love, without anger, without sorrow, 

breath is just a clock...ticking."

- Equilibrium

i actually have a small obsession with dystopian novels and films. they can be so interesting,  and besides my own life, they tend to be one of my greatest inspirations. whenever i hear about a new one that's coming out i'm always determined to read or see it. 

in general, dystopias are depictions of a future society where some major element in human life is missing - literacy, security, the ability to speak freely, or love deeply. but overall, the inability to make your own choices tends to be a common thread. 

all my work centers in some way around the idea of choice - of choosing where to go, or when to stay, or what to keep inside. i like my choices to be meaningful. 

from restrictions we see what is worth living for, what is worth fighting for, and what is worth dying for. there is no other way to see it. 

(image via Matched by Ally Condie)

that which does not change

"this story is that of adult Jack,

a lost soul in a modern world,

seeking to discover amid the changing scenes of time

that which does not change:

the eternal scheme of which we are a part.

- Terrance Malick on The Tree of Life

it's almost funny how i really want to see this movie. but only because after watching the trailer you still don't really know what it's about. apparently its plot is shrouded in secrecy for now. but i'm drawn to it because the trailer seems so poetic - full of evocative language, sweeping landscapes, and an eye for the ephemeral.

i like the slowed down moments and gestures - the  emphasis  on the beauty of every day life. the cinematography is breathtaking -  so clear and vivid; i can only imagine what the rest of the film will be like.

i got more interested in the film after reading what the director said the movie was about (quoted at the beginning of this post).

i've always found the idea of that which does not change so intriguing. years ago i compiled a list of my favourite films, and looking back on them realized that many of them had something in common: they revealed the different paths that one could have taken in life and how that would have changed them.

while that is an interesting topic in itself, what resonates with me are those elements that are present no matter what path the person takes - things that are fated. i believe we all have agency, but i have to admit that i've always liked the romantic notion that some things are just meant to be.

there are too many ideas in my head right now, it's so hard to focus on one - my sketchbook is a whirlwind of thoughts.

stay tuned faithful readers...these thoughts will become tangible someday (soon, i hope!)

absence

"when i was young 

i didn't understand

but now, i know, how 

absence can be present

like a damaged nerve

like a dark bird."

- the time traveler's wife

i've been toying with the idea of how to represent a void for years now.  it's very complicated - but intangible ideas always are. after all, how can you show that something immaterial takes up space and has weight?

my thought process is not linear. i find my inspirations from countless places and times, leaving my sketchbook filled with fragmented sentences and half formulated ideas. i can dance around an idea for ages because something essential - the cincher, is missing, and until i find it, that piece won't come to life.

(image courtesy of Morgenstemning) 

there is more than this

this is definitely one of the more laborious pieces that i've done since i've graduated. i showed you all in a previous post some process shots. A LOT of sawing and enameling went on here, more than i've ever done in one piece. i really wanted this necklace done and photographed for the Outdoor Show application deadline, so every spare second i had for a few weeks was spent in the studio.

there is more than this is about both secrecy and emotional baggage using the lichen form as inspiration. in my research i found some images of a form of lichen i had never seen before and was immediately drawn to its open spaces, gentle curves, and geometric forms that were so different from the other lichens i had created. so, from first glance i found myself planning and shaping a stylized form of them in my head for my own work.

i also liked how the combined forms are both broad and encompassing as a neck piece but also revealing in their negative spaces - similar to how emotional baggage is almost tangible on the outside by its overwhelming presence in the mind. but while it may suggest the problems underneath, it gives nothing more than that.

i think one of my favourite parts is actually the shadows they cast, they're so dynamic!

set the fire to the third bar

i don't normally post videos but i have to for this one.

i love this song. A LOT. and most especially this live version.

i've always liked the sense of something building to a crescendo, but what i like most here is that there's something very honest and vulnerable in this performance which is not present in the music video. it's the way they move their hands, how their voices trail off, the times they close their eyes - it evokes a feeling that i long to capture in my own work.

i keep trying to grasp that feeling, but it seems fleeting - as if i can only really understand it in that moment. 

nevertheless, i'm working around ideas in my sketchbook. things are slowly coming together, and this song keeps popping up in my mind (and my computer screen). 

this is how it ends

you may have noticed that cocoons are recurring forms in my work. they are symbols of protective containment, and to me, the ripped ones represent self imposed growth and change. i love the organic nature of cocoons and their bulbous, pod-like forms. and it's infinitely interesting to me how small changes in where i choose to saw my lines or how far i move my pliers can change the look of the tears.

when i first learned enameling i tried to make some ripped cocoons, but there were some small logistic problems that have now been solved. the cracks can be more detailed if it's just metal like in this piece, but if i enamel, fine cracks in metal lead to cracks in the enamel.

well, i'm always learning :)

the story behind the lichens

i was looking at my last post and i realized that i don't think i've ever given an explanation on this blog for the use of lichens in my work. this is odd since they appear so frequently as of late.

in my fourth year at OCAD i had to take a jewellery concept class. we were basically introduced to different media throughout the term and then had to create work in response to them.

for one project we had to respond to Alice Munro's The Moons of Jupiter. the narrator felt a sense of shame similar to that of a mold growing over her when she compared her poor upbringing in rural Ontario to her husband's bourgeois-like background.

from this i looked at the lichen to represent the shame and their relationship since a lichen is a symbiotic organism that forms a close and long term relationship with a different biological species. because the lichens' effects are widespread and long lived they represent her baggage - her upbringing, and they are not something that can be removed. the pins i made represent how the narrator has come to terms with the differences between her husband's family and her own as well as how she will carry that baggage for as long as she lives. 

since then i've been drawn to this idea of emotional baggage - of it being tangible, far reaching and oftentimes overwhelming. but i'm simultaneously interested in the idea of resilience, of coming to terms with things, of accepting them as part of your life, wearing them openly, and moving forward in whatever way you can.

so whenever you see a new lichen piece from me that's what's on my mind.

how i became an artist

it's hard to imagine now, but i wasn't very artistically inclined when i was growing up. i was actually very into math (my mom was a math teacher), english, and science. first i wanted to be a doctor, then an engineer, and then a journalist. in tenth grade i had to choose between visual arts, drama, or music. the answer was easy. i can't act at all (i SUCK at charades, never be on my team), and i'm not particularly musical (though my brother is amazingly so), so i picked art as the most tolerable option.

i took the class for a semester and i did well (to my surprise), but i wasn't passionate about it. then it came time to choose classes for grade eleven. i hadn't planned on taking art again since i had already filled my arts requirement, but i came across my teacher in the hall and she was very adamant about the importance of me continuing taking courses in the arts. so adamant that i actually immediately went and penciled in both visual arts II and photography and printmaking I into my schedule for the upcoming year.

and then suddenly i fell in love with the arts - with making, and introspection. 

i burrowed into my thoughts and let them manifest themselves for the first time through my words, paintings, and sculptures. i captured them through collages and photography.

it was exactly what i needed. i found it to be both soothing and cathartic. and it very quickly became inseparable from my life. i carried my huge sketchbook everywhere i went and over time it became an art piece in itself. in a way, my sketchbook was my only confidante. i told it things that i told no one else.

in grade twelve i considered doing an english major, but then at the last minute decided that what i really wanted was to go to OCAD to hone my skills in the arts. going there made me more disciplined, knowledgeable, technical and professional in my executions.

but since i graduated i feel as if i've left something behind.

my thesis was so important to me because everything in it was a part of me. it was nurtured by my deepest and most personal thoughts.

that is really why i create - because i hate the feeling of things left unsaid, and because words are not enough to describe an experience, a feeling, a loss.

because there are things i want to share, but i can't find any other way. 

to me, it was never supposed to be about competition, or making money, or winning awards. but somehow that started to happen anyway. 

so i am going back to my roots. i am writing and thinking and analyzing all the time. i am confiding in my sketchbook again.

so my work may change, but that's only because i have changed.

finding inspiration

i was sitting in on an Advanced Painting class the other day and the students were presenting their inspirations and source material for their upcoming project. one student said that he likes the idea of authenticity and virtue in his own work and preferred his inspiration to come from him rather than other artists. he was more inspired by approaches, concepts, songs, and films rather than drawings and paintings.

i found myself nodding along with him - his ideas about the creative process are similar to my own. i definitely appreciate the work of others in my field, but like him, i don't find that i take much, nor do i want to take much from them when creating my own work.

to my surprise, some members of the class were very skeptical (and very vocal) of his ideation process. they felt that he couldn't really grow artistically this way and tried to persuade him to admit that he was profoundly inspired by the art he saw.

my main form of inspiration comes from words - from songs, from novels, from disjointed phrases i've picked up over the years. i like to create work out of ideas that i expand from these phrases, out of the emotions i instill in them, that i find in myself. with these ideas i work with imagery i've also garnered from novels, or films, or nature. the phrases that i collected here were major inspirations for my thesis work.

why should i pretend that i'm inspired by things that i'm not? i think that any inspiration is valid inspiration.

i'm glad this student stood his ground, there is no one process to making, and he shouldn't have been forced to admit otherwise.

installed

here is a crappy documentation photo of there was a crowd of seeds.

i hope to take new photos when the grass is green, and there are no fallen leaves or snow.

steel, organza, silk, thread

below is a detail of the organza flower.

and below this is the model - it was smaller and less detailed. 

there was a crowd of seeds

for the past week I've been using all my spare time to get into the metalshop at OCAD. welding has become easier for me now :) we had to create a model for an installation that will be going up in december. this one is about 19" high, and the final will be about double the size.

"there was a crowd of seeds is a work about hindered growth. how growth should be fostered, appreciated, exclaimed, and how there is no need to spread out and push down.

there are times when one can feel as if they have no room to grow, to breathe, to be – when one has lost their sense of place. i'm using the concept of aggressive plants to symbolically depict a person who has no room to flourish."

can you see the small, spindly, wilting flower in their midst that is unable to receive its own share of light?

the bottom photo is a visualization of the piece in its intended space.

yeah yeah yeah!

I was one of the fortunate ones who got to see the second Toronto show of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs at the Kool Haus. Karen O and her lyrics have been a HUGE inspiration in my art for as long as I've known about her. You may have noticed this in some of my titles, but it's not always obvious. It's more that I work best while I listen to them. They have been my mood music, my caffeine, and it was so amazing to see them live.

the best way to describe myself would be as an artist or a craftsperson. but i am mostly a jeweler.

my work often involves intricate details, curvilinear forms, and engaging textures infused with thoughtful ideas. it is through these combinations and properties that my fragmented thoughts find a home.

my current work is a series of literal and symbolic containers inspired by my enigmatic past. this collection conveys secrets and the walls that accompany their keeping through the structural strength of the dome, the concealing and binding properties of overgrowth, and the disorienting nature of the labyrinth.